EDIBLE PENCILS

too proud for sorrys

haven't been here in while since i updated twitter haha. finally gave in to the persuasions to get one. 

pushing myself to study hard for this coming CTs. at least to give myself a shot at A divs. 

struggling pretty hard with my spiritual life and walk with God though. feel as though i'm not putting any effort in reaching out to Him no matter how hard i tell myself to. 

as you grow older, your friends change. they bring you to a new level of maturity. suddenly all your old friends seem so immature. jokes that used to make you laugh don't tickle you anymore.

have i outgrown them? afraid so.

i've moved on in life. growing older, wiser. maybe it's time we all did.

Maybe I'm just not smart enough to play bridge. Or any mind game for that matter.

i don't know if i regret not being an OGL..


okay so i've been crawling up my study life. crawling hard..


CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR. CHINESE NEW YEAR.CHINESE NEW YEAR. 

went out with old sec school friends ystd. today i'm at home watching tv/ studying/ using com.
i need to stop spending money unnecessarily.

chris and i did a cover too. i think it's the different playing and music styles. seriously resonate's music expectations ARE TOO HIGH. our standards are really quite high, i mean if he was the dean of music in WESLEY, we must be pretty darn good. considering he was telling me about their in ear equipment and stuff. so gross. 

i think i wanna bake brownies later.

okay so i'm back from KL. 3 countries in 2011. HK, cambodia, malacca in june, and KL. Making up for what i'll miss next year. but the family is planning to go back to boston next year. YESSSS. i miss that place so much, ( not that i can remember much of it. ) but those were good times, that 2 years. 

okay so KL.. we had fun i guess. but i think i'm kinda a loser. besides that, i learnt more about my cousins too i guess. unexpectedly. 


NOW I NEED TO RUN SUPER BADLY.

it's been more than a year now and people just keep asking me, "okay debs, so who is the new guy?" or "interested in anyone yet?"
well technically, i'm well and over L and there have been guys that have flirted, came and gone, but there has been no guy out there whom i've really and seriously fancied yet. is it wrong to not have feelings for someone at any time of your life? i think i've reached a stage whereby i'm over the short and immature flings that teens have nowadays that last a couple of months. i'm over the stage that teens date/stead (in singapore seems to be the same) because they're lonely and need accompaniment. i'm over the whole 'fling' thing, liking a person because they're funny or good looking. i mean, the looks is a factor but i guess what i look out for more now is the maturity and godliness of the person? someone i know who will take charge of a family and make wise decisions. i know it sounds absurd for a 17 year old to be talking about raising a family but isn't that what a relationship should be aimed towards? shouldn't every relationship be propelled towards a marriage to see if the two are compatible to spend their rest of their lives together and not just for instant gratification of attention? 

i guess i couldn't see these when i was younger and stupidly fell in love without a proper reason or purpose. i guess i see it now, and i guess it's one pact i'll make to myself TO KEEP: to not date a guy i don't see myself spending the rest of my life with. 
and probably there is only one guy currently that has met that standard but sigh.. gah, maybe i'll just stay single until He brings someone else :)

in that second i felt wanted. 

been really busy planning camp. oh i hope it'll be a good one. i'm praying it'll be.

went to flea today! imma happy girl. 



camp is driving me nuts. 

i feel as though i have no one to look up to as a mentor. no one spiritually mature enough to guide me or whom i can share my spiritual problems with.

now i need mature advice. i don't know who to look for who would see my point of view.
i know he would, but i'm kinda scared to talk to him, so..